Is Tim Tebow the greatest human ever?

Around the water cooler at the office where employees knowledgeably converse about manly things like sports and hunting, I keep hearing from this one moron that Tim Tebow is overrated. I'm not sure what he says afterward because I usually get dizzy and disoriented at such a suggestion.

As a sports journalist, I found it my duty to get out there and do some dirty work. So I googled "Tim Tebow yahoo" and looked at his statistics with my eyes. Wow!! 75 touchdowns and only 15 interceptions. And that doesn't even take into count his jump passes. Clearly, water cooler sports guy was plainly wrong.

I couldn't let it go though. Sure, I had proven without a doubt that Tim Tebow is the greatest football player in history (he did win the Heisman afterall), but the greater question is whether he is the greatest human ever.

When considering this topic I think about Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Schindler, George W. Bush, and Tom Brady. The problem with the first 4 are that, yeah sure they "saved lives" and were "amazing people", but they seemed to have no athletic training at all.

So then I got to thinking about Tom Brady. He has models, Super Bowl rings, and boyish good looks. He even mercilessly punished that 61 year old convict (monster) who had the audacity to steal Mr. Brady's Belgian flower boxes. Doesn't this guy appreciate what Tom Brady has done for us all?

But the problem really with Tom Brady when it comes to judging best human ever is not his football ability or good looks, it is just the existence of Tim Tebow. Among the Tebow stories include the time when he was on a South American mission trip (for the kids...) and voluntarily fed an orphaned Cuban screech owl orally until he was healthy enough to fly away. Another time while eradicating sexual predators on the streets of Tallahassee, Tebow saw a homeless man behind him while bench pressing and doing situps at the same time. Realizing that he did not have anything to eat, he yelled at him to "Get off his ass and find a job." Not only is Tim Tebow the athlete dreams are made of, he cares about the less fortunate.

Finally, when it comes to deciding whether Tim Tebow is indeed the greatest human ever, we must not forget his square jaw, thick, well deveopled abdominals, and protruding pectorals. Lets face it, the man is sex personified. The attraction that Tebow commands literally redefines the artifical boundaries of human sexuality.